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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Accident!

One morning I wake up for sun is shining in my room, and that's no reason for me to get up, I should have just be asleep for an hour more. I was not going to be missing any deadline, still I decided to get up and get going, unlike my character; it was that kind of weird day. 

I was on my bike and off in no time, a good 30 minutes early than being 10 minutes late as normal and first hurdle comes by. As soon as I am outside the society gate 2 small girls wanting to go to school, but not allowed to, I guess, they had boys uniform on, belonging to brother or given by someone, but had no bags. Just about manage not to hit them. Well don't get me wrong here, I was just coming out of gate and they were running amok on the Mumbai-Bangalore by-pass highway! Still a narrow escape!

Two minutes ahead, and I come across a turn, which would allow me to get to other side of road, turn left, right, go under the highway, left and join the highway, drive straight to destination. Easy! Routine, but I was early. 

A woman with two kids.....

Woman: "Walk or I will spank you, school is not far!"

Boys: "I don't wana go! Why don't you send sisters, if it is really good?"

Woman pulling them ahead, and them wanting to turn around, pulling her back. Two steps forward and one back, 2 forward, 1 back and suddenly 1 forward and 2 back. And a truck decides to show up from opposite direction. Woman and kids argue, pulling each other on other side, and bang they stop right in middle of where I am heading, covering all of my side of road, and truck the other half. I break, truck screeches and I hit gravel. Only one thought in my mind.

"Why the hell she had to stop in middle of road, on last turn to highway, and why the fuck that truck is coming my way!"

When I come to a stop, my bike is making love to that fat truck, the woman and kids are still arguing, while saying sorry to me, truck driver is running away in fields. I get up, look at my hand, and feel a bruise on my leg, thumb is swelling up, and the woman asks her sons to have some water and stop crying. 

That flips my head, I shout at her, and to truck driver "I am not going to die you idiot! Get back here." After all he is blocking whole way now. I pick up my bike, check if it is working and I am off to office. 

Work, could not be put off, so after full day I was coming back home when the woman and her four kids along with husband at my societies gate. Though i have had it, she has brought her husband for shouting at her, and prepared for worst.

Woman: "Thank you for asking my girls to get back at home and saving their lives, and sorry for causing that accident of yours."

I was surprised! I had missed those girls by small space and had told them to go near their father/mother. that's all, how had I saved their lives!

And there it was, remains of 2 mangled cars, at the spot where girls were, horrible accident, one of the car's tyre had burst and crossed over the divider to hit another, and roll over to the service road, five minutes more and I would have been under!

 I vow to never get out of bed early again. Period.

One thing worse than committing a mistake; is being a victim of an accident that one did not commit. 

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I miss you!

You look beautiful
 today,
when I close my eyes
I dream of you
beside me
and when I wake up
I miss
being beside you
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful
today,
like everyday
when I see those eyes
innocent mischief in them
captures my heart
I miss
them looking at me
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful
today,
Its no surprise
still you mesmerize me
with your poise
you snick
right into my heart
I miss
that warmth in my heart
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful
today,
when I felt your touch
a shiver ran through my nerves
I felt good
even on saddest day
your fingers 
in my hand
changed the scenario in my heart
I miss
that warmth in my hand
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful
today,
those hairs
teasing me
tickling me
I miss 
them falling on my face
sweet smell of your neck
I want to run my finger
again
over your skin
giving you goose bumps
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful
today,
when you are asleep
like a small doll
crying out
""umnn"
on being disturbed
I miss
disturbing you
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful
today,
if it were not for today
it might have been a tomorrow
I would have fallen in love
with you
for I fall in love with you
over and over
again
I miss
loving you forever
I miss you
I cant live another day
without you
but
to be with you
I can wait forever......
You look beautiful..........

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Full circle!

A long time ago a boy lived in a small town on countryside, and loved a simple country side girl.  They had been friends since childhood, but then the conservative society had made them switch too secretive way of communications. This was the era where text messages were sent and received in form a crumpled paper balls, and they used to do so. One day, boy decided that it was time to take next step, and graduate from being just friends to lovers, and he wrote a love letter to her, crumpled up and dropped it when no one was looking, and she picked it up as skill fully as he had dropped. 

That night boy was a little to curious, he could not control his excitement, wanted to see her reaction when she read his letter, that way he would be ready to face the answer when she actually delivers it to him, whatever it was going to be, yes or no, it was going to be tough. So he crept to just below her room's window, where she had mentioned she used to read his notes. And he could look at her through her window, mesmerized. Her silky smooth skin, with black flowing hair sliding off her shoulder, her true beauty in her full splendour was visible, and she had that piece of paper, a piece of his heart in her hand. She is reading it.

"Nooooooooo" she screams, and lights go off! And he can hear her crying! Heartbroken the boy returns home, and unable to sleep that night, he cannot understand her rejection of him. Everything in this village reminds him of her, and her rejection rings in his ears, he decides to leave the village. Still, he does not want his parents to suffer; he does not want them to know that he is in reality running away. 

He ponders on his option, and while he is doing so, he avoids old pals and places. On one such unknown route he meets an older Gentleman who is not from the village, and gains his confidence by helping him unstuck a wheel of his horse carriage. In a pub down the route boy learns that the Gentleman is from the army. Boy starts asking him lot of questions and gentleman starts answering, thinking like any village lad this boy also has many dreams and is curious of outside world. 

                Boy: "So does a bullet hurt much?"

                Gentleman: "It hurts a lot," now quite drunk "but nothing hurt's more than a broken heart."

Boy had got his answer, next morning he packs his bags, tells parents, who feel proud of him, after all they have had a rich army background. It is army, which shall take him places, take him away from this village, from her. 

First day into army, and he is put in to hardship, but nothing deters him, he just makes a name for himself "The Unbreakable" nothing and nothing hurts him, no amount of punishment, no amount of exercise, no amount of hardship ever changes the expression on his face. All this is attributed to his military bloodline. A true blue army blood! Like the blue coats they respected. 

One year into army and he has become one of the strongest recruits, and now has been posted in a remote tough terrain border area of the empire, but this guy is relentless, he does not even crave woman! Not even once in a blue moon! Rumours start spreading, of him being gay. Instances of him looking away from women ( for he still sees her in every woman who comes across him) are discussed among colleagues without having any background knowledge. No one tries to ask him, "Why?" 

Until one night; an officer above his rank, calls him into his bunker, alone and suggests bending to his wishes. Boy ponders for few minutes, contemplating on whether to deny this man love or to say yes and try loving men for once, for he would never be able to love another woman, and he gives in. He follows his superior's instructions, and loses his virginity to him. This continues till he is posted there, every night, every night learning something new, something different, but never feeling any emotions. And one day, war breaks out! 

The boy's group is sent to the war front, where they are greeted by new commanding officer and two more regiments. On war front, women are seldom available, and many straight men turned gay, and no exclusivity remained. And in this scenario a tough gay man was hard to find, but here was one! His reputation preceded him! Boy had no choice but to give in, he could not say no, he still could not see face of a woman and had no feelings for men, but he gave in, for sake of being accepted in the twisted society he now was in. 

He was heroic! There was no other ruthless, tactful and brutally strong soldier in army, his heroics in battle brought him medals, promotions, out of turn promotions and name and fame to his parents. And his nights never went alone in those bunkers, sleeping with his men, now he had become an expert in that too! He could easily write Kama Sutra for gays, but he still did not have any feelings for them.

In one of the battle he gets injured saving life of one of his men, he is brought to hospital, where a peculiar thing happens. This guy screams at touch of a female nurse and curses them, warning them to never touch him again. He vows to never get injured, never ever.

After a decade since he joined army, after the end of war, the boy had grown to be the Colonel in army, and was given a 6 month long holiday, for he had been in war and performed really well for continuous 4 years and that to without a break in past 10 years. This guy never wanted to go back to his village, the memory of his rejection was still fresher than the last guy he killed in a battle.

Coming back to his village, the boy is hit by the nostalgia, and if nothing else he did miss his parents and his home, and he still misses her. As he reaches home, he hugs his parents and decides to rest for a while. he learns that his sister is married to his best friend in war times, letter must have got lost somewhere at that time.

In evening, his sister along with his best friend and now brother in law, and his tormentor of the decade, the girl walk in to meet him. He looks at her longingly, but moves away to his room. Sensing something to be out of place, his best pal follows him in, and gives him 10 year old letter back.

Boy looks at it, and

                Boy: "Yes! I wrote that letter, what about it?"

                Pal: "Yes, I know, she wrote the answer for you!"

                Boy: "I know it is 'No'! Why is she here, to humiliate me more?"

             Pal: "I should not have read it, but i did, when you left for the army, it does not say 'No'! She said 'Yes' to you!"

The girl walks in!

               Girl: "Why did you leave, without hearing my answer? Why did you make me wait so long?"

               Boy: "What are you talking about? I heard her scream her answer out, the same night I gave her the letter!"

            Girl: "Yes! I did scream that night, because there was a pervert standing outside my window, and I felt my modesty had been compromised."

              Boy: "Noooooooo!" Screams! Last 10 years of his life, flashing through his eyes.

After that the famed Colonel retired from army, got married and left the country to start a new life in country of dreams, across the ocean. 

Reverting back to present, a 70 year old man ask's his eldest grandchild, who is going through a similar situation in his life, while he is surrounded by his family, holding his wife's hand: "So the morale of the story is?"
And before the grandchild to whom it is directed could answer, a 5th grader steps in and says: "God punished grandpa for being pervert!"

And everyone laughs, as grandpa laughed!

Morale: Do not assume response by reaction of people alone, get context of the reaction verified too!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Mistakes!


"My life is made of Mistakes, hope it did not begin as one and certainly do not want it to end as one."

However, that would explain a lot of things, would it not, as being mistakenly send to earth, gods big mistakes, tries to cover it up with all his might, but we are just fine bolts in a perfectly running machine which gives perfect reason for non mistakes to laugh out at, yell at, and get frustrated at. 

If life had never changed in its course and had we never grown up, we would never have anything to look back too, and nothing to analyze and say "Those were the best days of my life" or "That was a big mistake!" Even though we have moved on, life has its ways of giving us those chances to reflect on the past, I just had one such chance. Few days back I moved my place of residence and my mom has asked me to let go of some old possessions, and I started that process, and came across some interesting stuff. 

As a child I wrote some relevant things on first page of note books, on one I did not write anything, my class test book, it had only one test. I had scored 0 out of 20, but I distinctly remembered appearing for more than 1! So where are the rest?

And there they were in second test book for the same subject, guess I never showed the 1st one to mom. Second one is no better in marks department, but then I do remember my teacher smiling at me each time she handed the book to me. She must have taken the words on 1st page seriously. They were: "Life-it ain't easy, it's tough, so what's you gota do is keep a smile on your face, make world a better place to live." That did not make my world any better; I never passed her class test. I guess that's why I wrote the following on last page of book.

Instant formula of success
Boil water in iron vessel
Add 10 dry skin freckles
50 smoking sherikens
10 nails of gecko
10 dead fat bat wings
100 year old blooming lotus

I have no idea what I was reading or watching, that inspired me to consider above remedy, but then it also has not worked, may be the ingredients are too rare.

I also made a secret diary, and wrote only one thing, and that to on it's cover, "Secret Diary" well it was not that simple to open, whoever opened it, would not be able to close it, but then that would not serve the purpose of keeping things secret.

Various doodles of cars and other things made me think, whether I would have been a better designer than an engineer, well unanswerable question now.

And one more fine quote, on music class not book 
"Human aspirations are Infinite Horizons; one can attain them through music."
became
"Human Aspirations are Infinite Horizons, which can never be attained."
for maths book, which were modified to
"Human Aspirations are Infinite Horizons; one can reach through Hard-work, Determination and dedication"
by the maths teacher, as a lesson for me. 

And then there was my 1st poem, an assignment I had to do for English, it was an outcome of a mistake, I was not going to attempt poetry, but an article, however I forgot about that homework, and last moment entry, I was able to jot down few lines which turned out okay! I scored better than I had though, she gave me 6 out of 10 and since then I have never stopped trying poetry.

I have realized one thing: You cannot design your life like a park, which has all the beautiful and fun things, and not a speck of litter. For, when you are busy designing that park, other forces are busy designing dark alleys, stinky gutters, random rubble, etc etc etc, after all, you are not the only architects. Then some people do say: Good fate/bad fate is a resultant of our sins in past life.  For them: You remain stupid, until you die, then you are not enlightened, but you are simply dead stupid. 

So if there were no mistakes, life would be plain boring old story of perfection.